( the smart boy)

And so, I used to be such a quite boy. I can see myself since I was five up to eight . I could see that time. I can remember a lot of details. I can think of all the words people told me. I can still listen the words, the jokes. But what I can see is my Grandma. I don’t still know how much important is her existence to me. I can’t imagine world without her. I mean, I cannot imagine my world without her. Since I remember she has been there with me. I have many memories in which we are expending time in many ways. We, my Grandma and I.

Postcard #1: She is near of the door, she is doing something that is still unknown to me. I ask : Mom, what are you doing ? And my Grandma answer something like she is tejiendo. I can see all of her work. Such a hard work. My Grandma has always that kind of patient. Her eyes are always waiting for something. I don’t know what is that something. I still don’t know. But what I can tell you is that in the house, my house , there are a lot of carpetitas , made by her. They cover almost every space of my house. And since that moment I knew I won’t never leave that house. It is my home. I know.

Postcard #2 : I was the first son, nephew, grandson. All my aunts and uncles were single up to when I was seven. All of them were enrolled on their lives: the school, work, friends, parties, etc. But anyway they play with me. Even my eighteen uncle, Martin, to whom sometimes I used to sleep with, the always angry- hungry uncle Joel ( he used to simulate he was angry at me just for after, when I was crying, star to laugh and give me candies or money to go to the tiendita ---yes, he was a little rude but now I see him as a father and I know about his real feelings that he is always trying to hide). My aunt Cristina is saying that she is never got marry, that if she needs a son I could be that son, by that reason she is always taking me out : the cinema, the park, the zoo. Some years later she is getting marry. I remember my grandma crying a lot. And I remember my aunt Cristina smiling a lot. My house. My family.

Postcard # 3: As and only child may be my childhood was a little lonely. I remember myself looking for play-partners. At noon or after lunch I was always looking for them. We used to play wrong-baseball( that is baseball but with our own rules). We used to play to hacer galletitas, so we built our microwave: I can see that wrong-stove dogged out in the earth of the backyard of my friend’s house. Before going with my friend, my grandma advised me about count my toys. After count my toys she adviced me again to be careful and don’t forget nothing. And to stay at home before lunch or dinner. I didn’t forget nothing . Neither her voice.

Postcard # 4: Maybe is late. We are almost running. We are crossing the big yard near of our house. A place where the elders used to play soccer or baseball. Is Monday morning. My hand in my grandma’s hand. She is telling to me: ándale que se nos hace tarde. In Mondays morning we were always late for school. I can’t remember if there were excuses from my Grandma to Lulu or Eva, my teachers, about. What I remember is that school days were for me like a daily party. When time to pick me up to home, my Grandma was, again, late. Five sad minutes. But when she appeared to take my hand I was able to smile again. I can still smile.

Postcard # 5: Is the living room. That space: blue walls, green doors, and the windows. My grandpa, Martin, is watching TV. My grandma is tejiendo. I ´m playing in the floor. I had already built my city –set: cars, buildings, maybe a bakery, maybe a bank, a lot of invisible people. I say to my grandma and grandpa something like ---You love a lot right?? Because for that I have a lot of toys. And my grandma answers something like: we love you a lot, otherwise we were not able to let you make all of this disaster. And I continue with the disasters.

Postcard # 6: Maybe it was after second year at elementary school. Every time that my grandma remember she couldn’t go to school and that she cannot read and write, there were some tears in her eyes. I feel so sad. I decided to teach her how to read and write .All family was agreed. For my grandma and I, that was one of our favorite activities. In that moment uncles and aunts told that I was a smart boy. Now, after years I don’t know if she remember the lessons. I always wonder about that. And I also miss the time when I used to be smart.

Postcard #7 : She is telling us about Mexico City: the buildings, the cars, the highways, the stores, the sky ,. About her free Sundays at the Parque Mexico. About her employers: Jews, Italians, and Germans. She remembers a Jew-single-lady: she wanted to adopt her. About her work as a maid for this people. She says she wants to come back to those places: San Ángel, Polanco, la Colonia Roma. We are still planning that return. I know that she wants to come back just to leave again. Just in order she can leave again. This time: leave, this time, forever.

Postcard #8 : By the time my Mom married for second time, my granphas were very angry at her. She was planning somewhere with her new husband. She had decided to take me with her. By that moment I was not conscious of that entire situation. Maybe because I was a child or maybe because I was in my own world. After talking with my grandfather, my Mom decided to let me choose. So she asked me about go with her or stay with my grandpas. I decided to stay with my Mom, Maria, my grandma, my second mom, like she used to say referring herself. Since that moment I still there. Inside that picture. My Mom (my second Mom) is giving me a big huge. She is crying and I don’t know why. My Mom, Adela, is leaving. I can see her back. I can see her closing the red door. Really, a nice picture.

The way my Mom--- is not the second or the first, is just my Mom--- María has to telling me that I will be always her Abraham is by cooking, at all my birthdays and other special occasions, delicious and the biggest tamales I have ever seen: inside them is a completely chicken piece . It’s a nice way to say it. It’s a nice way that makes me remember everything. Everything.

Abraham Morales Moreno,
Julio de 2006,
Tijuana, B.C.
(posteado en el FCEUsa)
* este texto es un ejercicio escritural propuesto por Ruth Behar, dentro del Laboratorio Fronterizo de Escritura. Bajo la premisa de escribir acerca de aquello que yo considere magical thinking.

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